Lost Souls
by JadeSyan
Summary: Rated for dark themes. Ray makes a decision that leaves everyone destroyed. Kinda Reela.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: The story takes place two days after ,,I don't". Rays accident never happened. Ray took two days off, what didn't surprise anyone after his fight with Gates. I'm very depressive at the moment and this story helps me manage it. Also I hope it stops my writers blockade. **

**P.S. My native language is German, so if anyone is interested in beta-reading let me know.**

**

* * *

**

„Dr. Weaver, could I talk with you for a moment? It's urgent"

„Okay Pratt but hurry up. I still have to examine three patients"

„It's because of Ray...when he comes back to work, I would like you to test him on drugs"

„What?" Neela screamed excited, who has stood behind a corner and had heard Kerry's and Greg's conversation.

Pratt looked at her, unsure if Neela should know the reason for his demand. He was aware that Neela and Ray weren't friends anymore but he was sure that Neela would still care about Ray even if that wasn't reciprocated.

"Just say it Pratt. I think Neela has a right to take a part in this conversation"

Pratt hesitated for a moment.

"Okay, the reason for it is that, when I went home from Abby's and Luka's wedding, I saw Ray standing in front of a club, quite drunk. In his hand he was holding a joint"

"What?", Kerry freaked out, "why haven't you said something before?"

"We are talking about Ray Barnett here, Doc Rock, I just thought, that he was smoking a joint more often. But, I don't know, I just want to be sure that there isn't more behind it. After all that happened lately I'm really cautious when it comes to Ray"

"Thus, I have never seen Ray smoking a joint and he never acted like he'd take drugs from time to time" Neela gave to think.

"Okay, Pratt, Neela, I think this is reason enough for me to test Ray on drugs" Weaver said and let them standing there in thoughts to go to look after her patients.

* * *

Ray has entered the hospital 10 minutes ago and was now standing at the admit desk.

"Ray, hey man, didn't think I would see you again so soon. You know, after everything that happened. That was some fight between you and Gates" Frank meant.

"Yeah, probably" Ray turned him down and searched a case he could take over.

"Barnett, I have to talk to you" he suddenly heard Kerry Weaver's voice behind him.

"What is it?" Ray turned around bad-tempered but turned back immediately when he saw that Weaver got accompanied by Pratt and Neela.

"So, what do you want?" he snapped through gritted teeth.

"I want you to take a drug test"

"What?" Ray let the chart that he held so far in his hands drop and stared at Weaver. Frank just looked like he was gobsmacked.

"Man" Pratt helped Kerry out, "when I went home after Abby's wedding I have seen you with a joint"

"And? Do you count joints as drugs?"

"Yes, I do"

"Well, I don't. For me it's just a way to get rid of frustration. And because of this you want me to take a drug test? That's bullshit!" Ray roared.

Meanwhile he had the attention of the whole staff of County General.

"Maybe it's bullshit for you, but not for me! You're going to take this drug test or you're fired" Kerry roared back.

"Okay then, do it. But I can already tell you that the test is going to be positive" Ray meant with his head raised and an arrogant attitude.

"What?" Neela whispered but still loud enough that Ray could still hear her. She has never seen Ray's eyes so cold. Without any feeling, just pure rage reflected itself in Ray's eyes.

Ray ignored her and watched with satisfaction Pratt who opened and closed his mouth but couldn't say a word.

"What?" he yelled after a few seconds.

"You have heart right _Pratt. _Before I have come to work I gave myself a shot of heroine"

"You're plain crazy Barnett. Do you know how many people I have seen that destroyed themselves with heroin? You'll go into rehab immediately!!!"

"You just don't get it Pratt, do you? Drugs are my redemption, the sense of my life. And it's the perfect way to end this all!"

"What are you talking about? What is this supposed to mean?" Pratt freaked out. But he was also taken aback how someone could describe drugs as his sense of life.

Without any warning Ray pulled Neela to him and held her a gun to the head which no one had seen when he pulled it out of his trouser waistband.

Gates jumped at them.

"No, no, Gates. I wouldn't do that if I were you. I mean, you don't want to visit Neela at her grave soon, do you?"

Gates was shaking with rage but didn't risk to just take one step towards Ray.

"Nobody follows us or she will be..." Ray hit Neela's head with the gun, "dead..."

He dragged Neela in the toilet and blocked the door with a chair, so no one could open it.

He pushed Neela into an angle, where she stayed shaking with fear.

"You stay here or I swear, I won't hesitate to put an end to your life" he threatened with a low voice.

He let himself fall into the opposite angle.

Neela could only watch how Ray took out a syringe from his pocket, put a rubber band around his arm and scheduled the syringe to it.

"RAY NO!!!"

* * *

"Let go of me!! I have to go in there. Get the hell off me Pratt" Gates shouted and tried to pull himself out of Pratt's grap.

"No!! He will kill her if you go in there. Do you want to see Neela with a bullet in her head the next time?" Pratt yelled and pulled Gates away from the door.

"Oh my god!"

"Abby, wait!!"

Everybody turned around and saw how Abby came running towards the door with tears streaming down her face, Luka chasing her. When she reached for the door handle Luka caught up with her and jerked her back.

"Let me go!! Let me go Luka!! I have to go in there!! Why are you all just standing here? Why aren't you doing something? Neela will die, if no one helps her. What the hell is wrong with you?" she yelled and tried to free herself out of Lukas grip, kicking and struggling.

"Abby, calm down!! You can't go in there, he will shoot her!" Luka meant agitated.

Abby let herself fall back and catch from Luka. Sobbing she hid her head in his shirt.

"How could it come to this?"

"Let's think clear according to circumstances. I don't think that Ray would shoot Neela. I mean, he loves her, right? Even after everything that happened in the last months" Sam spoke.

Everybody thought about her words for a second before Morris pulled them out of their thoughts.

"Hey, what's this?" he asked and pointed to a folded piece of paper that lay on the ground.

* * *

"PLEASE DON'T!!!" Neela crawled on her knees towards Ray. Ray quickly lay the syringe to the side and took hold of the weapon.

"I'll warn you a last time Neela, stay where you are!"

Neela betook herself to the angle once again and leaned against the wall.

"Why Ray?" was the only thing she could say at this moment.

"You know why..."

"Please don't do this" Neela pleaded.

"Stop it. STOP IT! Don't act like you'd have a say in this. You can't prevent me from anything. Not since you moved out. And especially not now when you are together with Gates" Ray yelled inflamed with rage and pointed over and over again with the gun towards Neela, who crouched even more in the angle.

Ray lay the gun down beside him and scheduled the syringe for a second time.

* * *

**AN: I originally wanted it to be a oneshot but it would have become too long. Leave a review and tell me what you think. Thanks! Andi**


	2. Chapter 2

Gates picked the piece of paper up, unfolded it and read it out loud:

_Dear damn diary,_

_This is the first and most likely the last time I have to write something like this. Neela has moved out and with her everything that meant something to me. Pratt has seen how I smoked a joint. I can't wait until I get to go back to the hospital tomorrow. Weaver for sure wants me to take a drug test. Like she would really care if I'd taken drugs or not. She just wants to be sure, that she won't get problems if I kill a patient when I'm high._

_Seriously, Weaver thinks only of herself. Selfish Bitch!_

_But tomorrow is the day I get revenge, the day of reckoning when Neela has to pay for everything she has done to me. Either way she will suffer. Tomorrow I will lock her in the toilet with me and give myself the final shot. _

_If somebody comes in I will shoot her._

_I already know what Abby would say to this 'Ray and giving himself the final shot. For this he is way too cowardly. He's afraid of needles'_

_Until now I was only afraid of needles because they reminded me of the time when I was a junkie. But now that I'm taking drugs again I don't feel fear anymore, no, just pleasure that the drugs give me the possibility to enter a different world._

_Abby would most probably consider it impossible for me to kill Neela. I'd love her so much!_

_Bullshit! I hate Neela! She is the reason why I'm getting drunk almost every night and from my life there is only left a heap of broken hopes and dreams._

_Abby would love to enter the toilet when I'm already dead. But unfortunately she forgets the shock Neela has to endure when she has to look on how I die._

_At the end I'd tell her that everything is her fault. That would destroy her for good, just like it destroyed me when she moved out._

_Either way she will suffer and that's everything that matters to me right now._

_Thus, dear world, I have the feeling that my life is going to be over by tomorrow. There are only two words I can think of: Fuck you!_

* * *

When Gates has finished reading Abby went to the door.

"I'll go in there right now"

"What? You can't do that!" Luka screamed desperately and reached for Abby's hand.

"No Luka! Let me! I have to go in there! Ray for sure is already high and on the verge of dying. If there is a right moment then it's now"

"But what if that is exactly what Ray is waiting for? When he isn't high yet but just waiting for someone to open the door so he can shoot Neela?" said Morris, making everyone to think.

"What I'm asking myself the whole time", Kerry spoke up, "why hasn't Ray just shot Neela and then himself? That would be much easier!"

"The gun...", Pratt whispered, "I knew that I have seen it before. We took it away from a boy who was in a gang shooting three days ago. The police wanted to collect it tomorrow. Ray must have taken it when he arrived at the hospital. There is only one bullet in it. He can't shoot Neela and then kill himself because that would take too long before he injected himself the final shot"

"What if he bought extra bullets for the gun?" Frank asked.

"No, he couldn't. He didn't know which gun it was and what bullets he would have needed for it. I only told him about the gun"

"I'm going in!", Abby said, determined, "He wants to kill himself tonight. He can't shoot Neela. He is for sure already high and his reactions have slowed. Before he can even aim the gun at Neela I will have already kicked it out of his hand"

"Okay, but I'll go in too" Luka said, more confident than he felt.

"One moment. He has most probably blocked the door. He wanted to give himself enough time so he can aim at Neela" Kerry said quickly.

"Then we'll just break it down. Step back" Luka warned and broke the door down.

Abby wanted to run towards Ray to kick the gun out of his hand but stopped when she saw that the gun was lying in the middle of the room, unreachable for both Neela and Ray.

Neelas mouth was taped shut by a piece of duct tape and her hands were tied together behind her back.

Ray was lying in an angle, high but still alive. The needle was lying next to him.

Luka ran toward Neela and freed her.

Ray grinned lightheaded: "Welcome to my show!"

"Your show? You bastard!, I'll kill you" Gates roared and lunged at Ray. Nobody was holding him back.

Ray spat in his face.

"You don't need to kill me. I'm already doing that for you"

"Hold on", Pratt said unsure, "what do you mean with 'Welcome to my show'? What a dirty game are you playing?"

"Pratt, not a dirty game. Where are your manners? This is a perfect planned game. Have you found the piece of paper?"

"What? We thought..." Abby stuttered.

"You thought what? That it fell out of my pocked by accident?" Rays laughter sounded so cold it gave everyone the creeps.

"If you still didn't get it I did it on purpose. A part of my plan. I knew that you would react like you did. I knew that you, Pratt, would recognize the gun. That you, Abby, wouldn't allow Neela to see me die. And this is the scene that compensates everything I had to go trough in the last months. I can't miss it. This is why I got myself addicted to heroin. It takes affect later but the amount is enough to kill me in the end. The drugs aren't the sense of my life, but knowing that you were scared, that you feared for Neela's life, for losing her just like I did"

"You bastard!" Abby yelled.

Ray ignored her.

Instead he looked Neela in the eyes while he spoke to the others:

"Did you really think I could kill Neela? I love her way too much to do this. Even if she broke me apart, my love for her will never end"

Ray couldn't uphold the facade any longer; a tear found his way down his cheek before he closed his eyes and drew his last breath.

"No!!"Neela screamed and rushed to him.

"I love you! Please don't leave me alone! I'm sorry, this is my entire fault!" She clutched Ray's lifeless body to hers and clung to it as if he would come back to life right there.

"No Neela!" Abby yelled desperately when she saw her hysterical friend.

She took hold of her shoulders and shook her:

"Don't you see it? This is what Ray wanted the whole time. For you to blame yourself for his death!"

"Leave me alone! You don't deserve to be here and judge Ray!"

"No, I won't leave you alone. I love you. I'm here for you!" Gates took a few steps towards Neela.

"Stop it! Stop it! I hate you! It's your fault too that Ray died!"

Neela hit Gates as hard as she could and ran out of the room, out in the night air of Chicago.

Abby and Luka went after her while Dr. Weaver and Pratt knelt down next to Ray and tried to process what happened and Sam and Frank took care of Gates.

* * *

"We need to find her Luka! She needs us more than ever now!" Abby said hysterical and watched out for Neela.

As she and Luka reached the exit of County General they couldn't spot Neela anymore. Luka got his car and now they were driving through Chicago on the search of Neela.

"We've already been everywhere where Neela could be. In the church, in the bar, where we always are and at Michael's grave"

"No, we weren't everywhere yet!"Abby said astonished and cursed herself because she hadn't thought of it before, "drive to Ray's apartment. Neela still has the keys"

When they arrived at Ray's apartment the door was left ajar. Abby kicked it open.

"Neela, it's us, me and Luka. We know that you are here. Come out and talk to us!"

Abby listened if she could hear Neela's voice somewhere but there was only silence that greeted her.

"Let's scan the rooms"Luka suggested.

* * *

Luka entered Ray's Room. There wasn't a trace of Neela. Luka took a closer look. Ray's guitar was lying in an angle. On the nightstand there was beer bottles and in the middle of them a picture of Ray and Neela that was taken at Sam's birthday party a few months ago. Luka sat down on the bed and covered his face in his hands while tears found their way down his face.

"What have you done Ray?"

Luka jumped up when he heard Abby scream

"Abby, Abby?! Where are you?"

He ran through the apartment until he found Abby who was standing at the door frame of the bathroom. Luka walked towards her slowly but when he saw the scene in the bathroom he turned around immediately.

Abby was staring at what was once her best friend. Neela, with slit wrists, wearing one of Ray's T-Shirts lying on the floor. Her body was still present but her soul already in a different place.

* * *

Neela opened her eyes. Her breath caught in her throat. She was surrounded by flames.

"Welcome Neela" an all too familiar voice said behind her.

She turned around.

"Ray, where are we?"

"In hell..."

* * *

**AN: Just a few notes at the end. I just want to say that I love Ray, I'm a big Reela fan. It's not typical for me to write such a dramatic story. **

**Usually I love happy endings. So please don't be too disappointed that the story ended like this.**

**To the last scene (the one in hell). I'm not even sure that heaven/hell exists but the scene just wouldn't get out of my head, I just had to write it. And because there are plenty of theories that you land in hell if you commit suicide I thought it would fit very well.**

**Thanks for reading. Andi**

**P.S. Criticism is welcome, but no flames!**


End file.
